via Daily Prompt: Breakthrough

A few years ago, I took everything that mattered to me and flung it out like I was tossing dice onto the pavement.  I was restless and unhappy and I didn’t know how to fix  what was wrong.  Flinging my life, as I knew it, away did not change anything.  I became deeply depressed and confused.  I would like to say that drove me back to therapy, but it didn’t, but by chance I found a therapist.  My husband and I thought we would try couple’s counseling, but the therapist clearly saw that I was the one that needed the help.  Thus began my adventure to have a breakthrough and find myself.  It wasn’t the first time I had tried – other therapists, but no real breakthrough. I was the product of an alcoholic mother and an enabling father.  It left me with a deep seeded anger that fueled my career and a lack of compassion for myself.  That didn’t change for years.  I kept things from these other therapists and they insisted that I feel emotions beyond the anger,  that just weren’t there.

So with a new therapist, we explored my life in great detail.  And after a year and half, I had the breakthrough.  I let go of the anger of my young life.  My depression lightened and I became functional again.  A few months later, I would become depressed again, but it didn’t last as long and I knew what it was about.  Because it was time that I faced up to myself. I used to say that I was the only one that had to live with me forever. But I know now that is no longer true.