A few years ago, I took everything that mattered to me and flung it out like I was tossing dice onto the pavement. I was restless and unhappy and I didn’t know how to fix what was wrong. Flinging my life, as I knew it, away did not change anything. I became deeply depressed and confused. I would like to say that drove me back to therapy, but it didn’t, but by chance I found a therapist. My husband and I thought we would try couple’s counseling, but the therapist clearly saw that I was the one that needed the help. Thus began my adventure to have a breakthrough and find myself. It wasn’t the first time I had tried – other therapists, but no real breakthrough. I was the product of an alcoholic mother and an enabling father. It left me with a deep seeded anger that fueled my career and a lack of compassion for myself. That didn’t change for years. I kept things from these other therapists and they insisted that I feel emotions beyond the anger, that just weren’t there.
So with a new therapist, we explored my life in great detail. And after a year and half, I had the breakthrough. I let go of the anger of my young life. My depression lightened and I became functional again. A few months later, I would become depressed again, but it didn’t last as long and I knew what it was about. Because it was time that I faced up to myself. I used to say that I was the only one that had to live with me forever. But I know now that is no longer true.